Monday, March 3, 2008

Matt's A-Z of Funny Sports Names

I decided that this would be fun for a day when I am so angry over the Free Agent moves (or lack thereof) that the Seahawks have made.

So I went through a lot of names for the MLB and the NFL looking for names that I thought were interesting, mean or just plain weird.

I hope you enjoy

MLB:
John Abadie
Not to be confused with Jack Agoodie.

Antonio Bastardo
From all accounts this guy was a gem in the clubhouse.

Wayne Cage
Why play baseball when you have a name for adult films?

Abner Dalrymple
Nothing funny…I just laughed my tookus off when I read this name. I mean, he sounds like a type of bread.

Ox Eckhardt
Any man named Ox gets my attention.

Wilmer Font
Fact: Got this name off of a couple other lists.
Fact: They all said: “is his sister’s name Ariel?”
Fact: That is funnier then anything I can come up with.

Lee Gooch
A last name like that usually gets you, what, 2-3 swirlies a day?

Rowdy Hardy
Note to self: name my kid something that rhymes.

Bert Inks
Think there was a headline somewhere that read: “Bert Inks Inks Deal”?

Alamazoo Jennings
Alamazoo? Alamazoo? What the heck is this? And then his last name is Jennings?

Lynn King
Any King name is usually gold: Ray, Mike, Phock…but I was thinking of sausage for some reason.

Coco Laboy
I guess that Coco is a pretty standard nickname in Spanish speaking countries…I guess this isn’t funny…

Sport McAllister
Lewis William McAllister liked to go by “Sport”. Makes sense…

Don Nottebart
His last name was Thompson, but his Italian grandfather always forgot whether he was Don or his brother Bart. His grandmother would say: “That’s aDon nottaBart!”

That was all a lie and probably offended someone.

Paddy O'Connor
Can you get a more stereotypical Irish name?

Nick Picciuto
That is my favorite kind of Italian ham. Oh, wait…

Wimpy Quinn
I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a base hit today.

Roxey Roach
Pop Quiz: OF/2B/SS or stripper?

Wes Swackhamer
Coolest.Name.Ever.

Frank Tanana
Pohtayto, Pohtahto. Banana, Tanana.

Make ‘em say: uuuuuh, uhhhhh, Tananana, Tananana.

Jimmy Uchrinscko
Come again?

Dazzy Vance
How do you go from Clarence to Dazzy? Not really a clear and logical move.

Dixie Walker
Is he related to Street? Or Moon?

No X…pathetic.

Shane Youman
Who, man? You, man! (Too easy?)

Dutch Zwilling
Like Dazzy…Edward Zwilling went by Dutch. I just don’t get that.



NFL:
Sneeze Achiu
So many things to say…but I think the point stands at this: When your last name is a sound, don’t name your kid the action that causes the sound.

Dick Butkus
Great player, mean summamabeach, terribly unflattering name. I would have gone by Richard.

Harry Colon
I wonder if he ever got that checked.

Kirby Dar Dar
What? Was he in Star Wars? Because he certainly had no luck in the NFL.

Jug Earp
Anyone else see a kid playing a banjo when they hear this name?

Scrapper Farrell
Great first name for a Football player: “Scrapper is a high-motor guy. He’s a scrapper.”

Ben Gay
The ointment was brought to America in the 1890’s and he was born in 1980. Coincidence? I think not.

Chris Hanburger
Chris, stay away from Wimpy Quinn. When he invites you over for dinner…he means it!

Rocket Ismail
I just think it is totally cool that he went by Rocket.

Jack Jackson
Redundant Redundantson

Cedric Killings
Great name for a Defensive Tackle. Bad name for a doctor.

Brad Lekkerkerker and Cory Lekkerkerker
Thank God they weren’t pitchers, huh?

George Magulick
Any name that sounds like “made you lick” is just wrong.

Peaches Nadolney
This guy played the wrong sport with a name like Peaches. His real name was Romanus Frank Nadolney. At least go by Frank.

Ben Obomanu
I had to throw this in. It just roles off the tounge.

Bubba Paris
When your last name is Paris, you first name better be Bubba.

Skeets Quinlan
Who names their kid Skeets? A skeet is a clay target that is used for target practice. Maybe he is the plural version of that. I guess it is also a slang term for cocaine. Mr. and Mrs. Quinlan, do we need to have an Intervention?

Ken-Yon Rambo
What a great name. ‘Nuff said.

Saint Saffold
The patron saint of mediocrity: 16 receptions in 14 games.

Craphonso Thorpe
Alphonso meets Cribbage? Or just someone really mean to their kid?

Jiggs Ullery
This sounds like a fake name; like “Hooty McBoobin” or “Max Powers” or “Ron Mexico”.

Pug Vaughan
I sure hope there is a funny story behind this name and not that he looks like the dog.

Todd Weiner
This made the list because I am supposedly 12.

No X. Sad.

Ron Yankowski
Let’s break down his last name:
Yank: To tug or pull
Ow: What you say when you are in pain.
Ski: To sled downhill or over water on skis.

So deep.

Tony Zuzzio
I will not speak ill of a man that sounds like he has mob connections.

1 comment:

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