Monday, March 10, 2008

Rules and Protocol for Storming the Court

To storm, or not to storm: that is the question.

With Championship Week fully underway, students from colleges and universities all over the country will have the chance to storm the court and act like crazed lunatics on national TV (Look honey, there's our little Johnny with his chest painted jumping around with his friends. Why does he have a flask in his hand?).

Since this is March, naturally upsets will happen in college basketball. That means it is time to unveil the Rules and Protocol of Storming the Court. All you students need to read and follow these guidelines because the next time you reach a fan's state of pure inebriation, you cant act accordingly to the situation.

The Blue Blood Rule
The basic rule of thumb here would be to count your schools national championships. If that number is three or more, under no circumstances should fans storm the court. For example, if you look to the rafters in Pauley Pavillion, you will count 11 national title banners. In Rupp Arena, you will count seven. This means UCLA and Kentucky students and fans should never storm the court. Sorry Ashley Judd, tell the student body to act like you've been there before.

Also included in this rule are: Indiana (five), North Carolina (four), and Duke (three).

The Upper Echelon Rule
If your team has won more than one national championship, you must follow certain rules. Almost no situation calls for storming the court unless you upset one of the above mentioned blue bloods, and it must be on a last second hook shot from three-quarters court by the opposing center. Can you see Kansas (two national championships) fans aimlessly storming the court at Phog Allen just because they beat Iowa State on a regular Tuesday in January? No. Other multiple championship winning schools should follow suit. This includes, but is not limited to: Louisville, Florida, Michigan State, North Carolina State, and Connecticut.

Exception: If your National Championships came before Vietnam, your fans can storm the court as they seen fit. This effects San Franciso, Cincinnati, and Oklahoma State.

The Middle of the Road Rule
If your school suffers from Florida State-ism (never winning your conference title and always being squarely on the bubble), then there are some procedures that need to be followed for court storming. You must play in a power conference, have some reasonable basketball tradition, has a decent fan base, and sells enough tickets to their arena that it doesn't look like the Staples Center at tip-off. If those rules are satisified then storming the court is allowed in the following situations: upsetting a top ten team at home, beating a rival school that has had your number for at least 5 straight years, or you end a period of futility such as Oregon State winning a Pac-10 game sometime in the 10 or 20 years.

The Mid-Major/Low-Major Rule
For some unexplained reason, a BCS-conference team agrees to come to your home gym to play your mid-major or low-major school. If your mid-major or low-major school pulls the upset, storm the court. However, if you that BCS-conference team is a annual bottom feeder of their conference such as Oregon State, Colorado, Northwestern, and South Florida, it not worth the effort it takes to storm the court.

Exception for the rule: Schools such as Memphis, Gonzaga, and Xavier that play are not in BCS-conferences. If you beat one of them on your home court, go ahead and storm away.

The Just Starting Out Rule
If you are relatively new to D-I basketball (Longwood) and you shock Maryland, go insane. Even if the game was in the Comcast Center. Go back to your campus, locate the home gym, break in, and storm the court.

The Winless Rule
This rule currently applies to NJIT. They went 0-29 this season. If your school hasn't won a game all season, you are free to rush the court after 1 of the following: a three point play, an 8-0 run, and/or a defensive stop.

Random Rules
(A) Suppose you are sitting in your student section and not necessarily watching the game because you happen to have been staring at the opposing cheerleaders on the opposite side of the court all night long. You know the shortest distance to them is a straight line. Permission to storm!

(B) You have been tailgating for hours before the game. You snuck in vodka, passing it off as water in a Poland Spring bottle. By the time the final buzzer sounds, you are so intoxicated that you cannot remember any of the above mentioned rules. Storm the court at your own risk. Be aware though that A) you may be the only idiot on the court because your school may have lost, B) there's a 100% chance you will wind up in cuffs, and C) there's a better than average chance you will wind up spending a night with your dear friend, the porcelain goddess.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The recent storming of the field from Minnesota after they beat Iowa last weekend gas brought this issue up at Big Ten schools as well. Some media are saying it's poor form by the Gophers to rush the field while others are saying it's an important rivalry win for a rebuilding program. There's been a good debate at TC Huddle. I found your article searching for more opinions on the issue.

Thought you might want to check it out. It's enjoyable if nothing else: